Every year around this time I'm pressed with the same dilemma. What, other than drunk am I going to be for Halloween? And every year I wait until the very last minute before making some sort of decision. Last year, with little inspiration or prep going into the matter I decided to think way out of the box and go as the "morning stoner." I wore some tubesocks, house slippers, a pair of boxers, a t-shirt, a bathrobe from the 80s that I scooped up at the second-hand shop, and I walked around with a box of cinnamon toast crunch in my hand. Yeah, I know, that was a pretty terrible idea, but when it comes to conjuring up a costume for Halloween, I tend to have nothing but those.
This year seems to be taking shape just as the last several have, and accordingly, I haven't the slightest idea what I'm going as, but I do have some suggestions for pulling it together. When all else fails, get wasted, and then start brainstorming. Things of this nature seem amazingly more interesting and funny while floating a few sheets to the wind. Hit the DAV's and secondhand shops to see if anything there looks appealing. Sometimes simply finding the weakest gear from another era, or an old suit, a crusty pair of old man pants, or a t-shirt that reads "Hold the bologna" can really set off a costume. You can even do as some friends of mine and I did a few weeks back. You can get destroyed while watching Sunday NFL football, eating "scold your rectum on the way out" hot wings at your local BW3's, and then walk next door to the Halloween Express. Then, you can try on nearly every wig, funny hat, and prop in the store while taking pictures of your crew doing so, which happens to be against the Halloween Express's policy, and then have them kick you out. Nothing makes a group of guys over the age of thirty feel more proud than getting kicked out of a Halloween store while a bunch of kids and mortified parents watch on as they scream, "We'll be back! Yeah, we'll be back next month when you're called Christmas Express!"
But situations such as these shouldn't always have to end up with you being escorted out of a store without the intended concessions you hoped to gain. Generally it just takes a bit of couth and the situation that we ran into could have been one that easily avoided. DAV's, secondhand shops, Halloween stores, and the internet can be very resourceful places for finding costume ideas. Be safe, and have a good time out there this Halloween.
