Cahoots patron: Wear grimy clothes, carry several very strong drinks and hold your hands above your head at all times. Prepare to be frisked. Face tattoo and gauges optional, but encouraged.
Frank and/or Sandy Thompson: Wear a grey wig and a ratty cardigan. Walk with a cane and carry a copy of the Germantown times while making snarky remarks about the hipsters in the area. Add a giant 90-era cell phone or a clunky Nokia and that’s all you need to masquerade as one of Louisville’s most mysterious bloggers.
Jennifer Lawrence and the Photo Hacker (couple’s costume): J-Law should wear a gorgeous Oscar-worthy dress. Photo hacker should wear a World of Warcraft t-shirt, a beer gut and be covered in a fine layer of Cheeto dust. Should also have one of Katniss Everdeen’s arrows sticking from his body.
Hunter S. Thompson: Start chain-smoking cigarettes and don a pair of sunglasses. Take over every conversation at the party and make it about you, but in a hilarious, drug-addled, literary kind of way. Consumption of illicit drugs is optional (but of course, not recommended by Louisville.com).
Mitch McConnell: Dress as a coal miner and carry a bag full of money. Dispense only when you feel like it. Promise to pay everyone’s tab. Bail at the last second.
Allison Lundergan-Grimes: Wear a brunette wig and a pantsuit. Refuse to answer direct questions and tell the inquirer that it’s for your own privacy.
Fourth Street Live!: Douse yourself in beer and a fishbowl of sour mix – the stickier, the better. Cover yourself in glitter and confetti. Bonus points if you wear a bride-to-be sash.
Big Four Bridge: Paint a giant “4” onto your clothes or body. Spend the whole night talking about how great Southern Indiana is. If someone passes you on a bike, push them over. Hand out Instagram shots of the river at sunset.
The Ohio River: Wear drab brown clothes with garbage stapled to them. Look dead inside. Bonus points if you carry around a toy barge or a live duck. For a nice touch, wear a bright red and white bell around your neck.
The UK vs. UofL Rivalry: Paint your face half and half for each team. Set couches on fire everywhere you go. If you really want to take this to the next level, wear a wing on one arm and a claw on the other.
Article by Elizabeth Myers and Michelle Eigenheer
Photos: Wikimedia Commons, Localview.co, and Instagram user gmckayiu
