We’ve all awoken on a friend’s couch to afternoon sunlight piercing through the slits in the blinds, burning holes into our sober souls. The pain is just too real; a mouth dryer than the Sahara Desert, a puffy face, a queasy stomach, and a splitting headache, all iced with the bitter frosting of of guilt: about the money you spent, the dance moves you tried, the person in bed next to you, perhaps. You question yourself, your life, your choices: and how many tequila shots you had.
What you need is a remedy. AND QUICK.
Lucky for you, we asked the experts, the people who got you drunk in the first place. Here are eight cures as suggested by your favorite local bartenders.
1. Squats, Brunch, and Pajamas
“My hangover cure begins with hitting snooze on the alarm clock for approximately one hour. Then I turn it off completely and disregard any productive plans I made for the day. Roughly 45 minutes later, I check the lady bubble group text for any sign of brunch plans. My less lethargic friends are meeting in 30 minutes so I find the strength to crawl out of bed. I do 15 squats to get my blood pumping in the attempt to feel human. I chug a drip drop. I thank the universe for concealer and eyeliner. I question my life choices. I put on leggings. I put on cute shoes to distract the world from the fact that I'm basically wearing pajamas in public. I meet the babes and order water, coffee, a mimosa, and all the carbs. A food-induced coma follows this outing. I wake up 90 minutes later completely revitalized.”-Megan Tierney (The Post)
2. Sunglasses and Advil
“‘Sunshades and Advil because last night was mad real.’ From what I know, [a hangover] is an inflammation of blood vessels in your head having to do with dehydration and possibly lack of food. So, naturally, it's about drinking water, eating adequately, and having sunglasses and Advil handy in the morning.”-Eron Plevan (8Up)
3. Soothing Libations
“A good hangover cure that always works for me is four dashes of Angostura Bitters in a tall ice-filled glass of Ginger Ale (for the upset stomach); or a really citrusy hibiscus tea over ice to soothe the stomach and re-hydrate the body after drinking all night.”-Ashley Towning (Red Lane Jane)
4. B Vitamins
“If you can plan ahead and keep aware while partying, obviously drink a sufficient amount of water to offset alcohol's diuretic effects. I've also found that front-loading b vitamins helps a lot. If you find yourself with a hangover, I'm a huge fan of Excedrin or, even better, Midol. The caffeine in both helps get to the head throbs pretty quickly. Midol also has an antihistamine that helps with the cigarette hangover if you tend to smoke when you drink like I do. Once you have the meds doing their job, again, replace your B vitamins with a strong multi or shot like 5-hour energy.”-Matt Farley (Gospel Bird)
5. Get Drunk Again
“I have different cures for different levels of hangover and they all work for me. Nothing really beats a greasy breakfast with a Bloody Mary (or Michelada if available) AND a Mimosa. After a couple of rounds I get a few cups of coffee in my system, then back to the bar for a few more beers before inevitably passing out from exhaustion at 5:00 PM. Wake up at noon the next day feeling ok, not great, just ok.”-David Marquardt (Nachbar)
6. Specialized Treatment and Pedialyte
“I've always found it best to treat each symptom of a hangover individually. Hydration is #1. If possible keep a bottle of water and some aspirin next to your bed to take before crashing. A lot of people also swear by Pedialyte. Bitters and soda is an old bartender remedy for the hangover related nausea. The final thing I recommend is fatty, salty foods to help rebuild those damaged brain cells and replenish the salts you peed out the night before.”- Todd Fluhr (Southern Kitchen)
7. Bloody Mary
"A thick, spicy bloody can kick any hangover's ass! I always go for Major Peter's Bloody Mix as a base and enhance it with smoked black pepper, cayenne, sweet BBQ sauce, pureed blistered red bell pepper, olive brine, and lime. It's sweet and smoky with just enough spice to help you sweat out all those bad decisions you made last night!" -Celeste Downey (Against the Grain)
8. Just Don't Drink
"Water. Don't drink. Everything else is bullshit."- Jeremy Salmon (Garage Bar)
Cover Image: Warner Bros./The Hangover
