Behind my thin “I am just doing this for a story” facade, I am excited by the possibility of winning $500,000 in 10 weeks and earning enough D-list psuedo-celebrity to earn my own Wikipedia page. Plus, I am arrogant enough to think I’m interesting enough to be on television.
So, I keep my mouth shut until the group interview with the director. I tell myself my lack of socialization up until now is my strategy, not nerves. We were warned when getting into line not to share strategies because somebody might steal it and use it during their interview. Instead, everyone talked about what reality television shows they’d most like to be on. (My favorite answer, courtesy a guy who decided to audition on a whim after seeing a flyer given to him at the Bats game the night before: “Anything on the DIY Channel. You can get a free kitchen remodeling out of it!")
The group interview with the director goes quicker than you can imagine. We’re asked why we want to be on the show (“The money!” says the girl who hates Bardstown Road) and why we think we could win. I don’t admit that I think I’d be eliminated somewhere in the middle of the pack, instead stressing that I’d be that contestant who stays relatively quiet during public challenges and interactions but talks the most smack during the one-on-one interviews. In real life such behavior makes you a two-faced gossip. Under the watchful eyes of “Big Brother,” it would be called strategy. I think I may have realized why I love reality television.
After all is said and done, we’re dismissed, told to stay by our phones and wait for the next few days. Follow-up interviews and casting is scheduled to go quickly, the director explains. It feels a little anti-climactic, nothing at all like a reality show. I guess I expected more public judgment, and maybe a surprise announcement that our interviews had been taped for a “Big Brother: The Auditions” special.
Instead, I walk out alone, with two hours of life less than before I walked in. My fellow hopefuls are a dozen feet behind me, chatting. Maybe I should have hung back and joined in on the banter about how it went, but naaah. I wasn’t here to make friends, I tell myself. I was here to win.
Yeah, I definitely watch too much reality television.
Photos: Originals courtesy of CBS
