Every Wednesday I pick up Velocity, The Courier-Journal's stab at combining an entertainment mag with an alt weekly.
And every Wednesday, 10 minutes later, after scanning the magazine looking for something worth reading, I end up throwing it in the recycling bin, washing my hands and wondering why I bother.
Louisville has a lot to offer--but little of its unique character makes it into Velocity. Instead the publication comes across as a special advertising section for Fourth Street Live! (exclamation point theirs).
Here are Velocity's biggest irritants. (To avoid any confusion, please note that sometimes articles published in the print edition of Velocity appear online on the website http://louisville.metromix.com/ and other times they end up on the Courier-Journal's site.)
Velocity's Biz Wiz is unemployed
On or about page 8 of every issue, Velocity runs a one-question advice column. And about every other week it features The Biz Wiz, Steve Flores, who it identifies as "A veteran of corporate America, with experience in communications and public relations."
In the Aug. 11 issue of Velocity, however, the publication identified Flores in a different way: "an Old Louisville resident who was laid off from his job as a corporate communications manager last November" who enjoys midday naps.
Shouldn't being a biz wiz and being unemployed be mutually exclusive?
Velocity quotes its own contributors in articles
Not using a friend as a source in an article, let alone one of your colleagues, unless you have no other option is covered in Journalism 101. Probably before the mid-term.
The writer of the aforementioned article on unemployment, Tamara Ikenberg, had no excuse for using Flores as an extensive source (although at least she did identify him as a fellow Velocity writer, albeit not until the third-to-last paragraph).
Unemployment in Jefferson County is 10.2 percent, so finding a father who's out of work and willing to talk on the record about his "funemployment" shouldn't have been too hard.
Velocity's The Party Crasher sneaks into events no one should want to attend
The vapidity in every episode of "Southern Belles: Louisville" left me with the intense regret of not having given myself roofies before pressing play. And Velocity's The Party Crasher section brings back that feeling every week.
Case in point: that smarmy tool from the show was pictured on p. 44 of the current issue (Sept. 9) as part of a full page dedicated to his bar, a brewhaus so authentic it sells Jell-o shots.
Velocity reports on technology trends after AARP does
Clearly Velocity isn't trying to appeal to the same niche as Wired, but you'd think it'd be a bit more cutting edge with its technology reporting.
For example, take "Axing the Album" on p. 23 of the Sept. 9 issue (again by Ikenberg). Apparently "digital photos are making that American classic, the photo album, a thing of the past."
Who knew?
Probably all of Velocity's young readership.
The article would be more appropriate for the AARP Bulletin--if only it hadn't already covered photo sharing. Last year.
Velocity's fashionistas are no more stylish than I am
The issue has long since been discarded and I can't find the article online, but a few weeks ago, Velocity featured a former University of Louisville (I think) player as its fashion guru.
One detail I am sure of though: almost everything he wore was straight off the rack at Express. Velocity might as well of just featured an Express mannequin.
For more information: Looking for something to do this weekend? Check out Zach's weekend picks for Louisville: Celebrity gardener, ACLU benefit concert, Gaslight Festival.
(Photo: Flickr/BluEyedA73)