By Josh Moss
josh@louisville.com
For a while there, the summer movie season suffered through an intense laughter drought. Seriously, did anybody smile throughout June or July at the movies? Then “Pineapple Express” and “Tropic Thunder” stormed into theaters over the past two weeks to provide some much-needed humor. Not to spoil the great mood or anything, but now we’ve got “The House Bunny,” one of the year’s worst pictures, comedy or otherwise.
Director Fred Wolf has generated a few chuckles in the past as a writer on films such as “Black Sheep,” “Dirty Work” and “Joe Dirt.” As a director, this is only his second turn behind the helm, the first being on the not-so-funny “Strange Wilderness” from several months back. Listen, the Hollywood suits are pitching “The House Bunny” as a story from “the people who brought you ‘Legally Blonde.’” Don’t get excited. This clunker makes “Legally Blonde” look like “Citizen Kane.”
The brainless story revolves around Shelley (Anna Faris, the “Scary Movie” veteran), an ex-orphan who’s now living the good life in the Playboy mansion and dreaming of landing a coveted centerfold. To date, though, Shelley’s only been featured in spreads about girls with GEDs, girls of the Midwest or girls who’ve slept with Charlie Sheen. When she turns 27 — 59 in Playboy “bunny years” — she gets a letter saying Hugh Hefner is chucking her to the curb — yes, there’s a pointless plot twist we won’t spoil. Faris is OK here, but she desperately needs to break away from being typecast as a bimbo.
Anyway, Shelley ends up on some unnamed campus and stumbles upon the Zeta sorority house, which some of the biggest rejects on earth call home. We won’t waste your time with the names of characters or the actresses who play them. One wears a metal brace that forces her to stand upright like the Tinman. Another lives in hiding. (Side note: If she’s always in a closet, how does she get the grades to stay in college?) Then there’s a lumberjack-esque sorority sister who likes to talk about what she does in the bathroom. We're talking dropping "lumber." Oh, yeah, one chick is knocked up. Kat Dennings (“Charlie Bartlett”), who we’re actually sort of excited to see in the upcoming “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist,” is a pierced punk who wishes she had half the bite of Juno.
Emma Stone, who you may recognize as Jules from “Superbad,” gives a likable performance as the brainiac leader named Natalie. Zeta needs 30 pledges to prevent the school from revoking their charter, so Natalie decides to bring Shelley on as their housemother, the logic being that guidance from a former Playboy bunny will make guys think the sorority sisters are hot and popular. In no time they rule campus, throwing backyard bashes complete with a water slide. (Yeah, we have no idea how they pay for this stuff either.) Eventually, the Zetas realize they’re losing their individuality. And, of course, a rival sorority is around to complicate things. In the end, the sisters teach Shelley a little something about her relationship with a dude played by Colin Hanks, and Shelley — sorry, if we continue we may throw up.
Obviously “The House Bunny” is not to be taken seriously. Still, there is absolutely no way any of the Zeta sisters would have joined a sorority in the first place. Even if they did, they certainly wouldn’t be willing to pose for a sexy calendar or hop on stage to sing karoke at the snap of a Playboy bunny’s finger. And we’re just saying, guys: Cameos by Matt Leinart, Sean Salisbury, Shaq, Dan Patrick and the Hef himself are wasted. Hey, at least we get Faris in outfits that can only be described as bras and panties.
In the end, “The House Bunny” wants its clichéd message to be, “Be Yourself.” Instead, it comes off as something like, “Be Yourself...as long as you’re not ugly.” Guess it would take the smarts of a Playboy bunny to understand that.
1/2 fleur di lis out of 4
