Look, I’m going to be blunt about this. The infield is a sh*t show. It can be a fun, entertaining, exciting sh*t show, but it’s definitely NOT about the horses or even the race. The infield at Derby is about the party. The drinking, the carousing, the decadence and depravity…it can all be a little overwhelming, so here are a few tips for surviving.
DO:
Do wear something comfortable, and something you’re comfortable getting dirty. Ladies, no heels, it gets muddy fast, and you’ll get dusty, dirty, and jostled.
Do bring cash and prepare to pay out a lot of it for drinks. It is what it is. I’d give you my tips for sneaking in liquor but that’s illegal so I’VE NEVER DONE THAT. NOPE, NOT ME, NEVER.
Do plan to arrive early and leave late. Don’t make immediate post-Derby plans. Just sit back in your lawn chair and relax for a while. Soak up the ambience.
Do bring lawn chairs and blankets and food.
Do wear sunscreen, there’s nothing than combatting a post-Derby hangover AND a sunburn.
Don’t show your boobs. Seriously ladies, not cool.
Don’t take off your shoes and go barefoot. Haven’t you heard enough “Herrr herrr it’s Kentucky you guys don’t wear shoes!” jokes?
Don’t trust that she’s eighteen. She might not be eighteen.
Don’t mess with security or the cops. No matter how invincible that win makes you feel.
Don’t drive drunk afterward.
Don’t try to sneak in a bigger purse, or booze strapped to your leg, or drugs. Just don’t. You’ll hold up the line and everyone will hate you.
Have a great Derby, y’all!
