Since the heads and hooves of winning racehorses are buried with
honors, modern science has been able to acquire the DNA of all 11
Triple Crown winners for a single ultimate race to determine the best
horse in history.
A Churchill Downs press officer
confidentially told Louisville.com "It's supposed to be a surprise.
Another round on you? Blantons this time. I like the pony on top of the
cork. It goes clippity cloppety! Oh, horses, yeah, we're racing clones
of Sir Barton, Gallant Fox, Omaha, War Admiral, Whirlaway, Count Fleet,
Assault, Citation, Secretariat, Seattle Slew, Affirmed, and Seabiscuit.
What? Yeah...er... I know Seabiscuit isn't a winner, but Toby MacGuire
promised to wear an eye patch and ride him around the track if we had
him cloned. How could I turn that down?"
The cloned horses were
originally resurrected for stud duties. According to Dr. Schrodinger of
BioInfinity Labs, the horses are both the best mankind had bred and
completely useless until someone observes them race. Therefore, they
approached Churchill Downs to settle the question under track
conditions they couldn't replicate in the lab.
Dr. Schrodinger
also had some advice for eager betters attempting to pick a trifecta
for this historic race. "All outcomes are equally probable, but if I
was a betting man I'd put my money on Secretariat. Seabiscuit shouldn't
even be in this race. The only way that horse could win was if someone
spliced in some cheetah DNA."
Breeders interested in breeding mares with the Triple Crown winners can contact Dr. Schrodinger at 888-STUD4ME.
