Judge Erica Lee Williams is the third female honoree for our Leading Ladies of Louisville blog series. She has a renowned political background, and has practiced law on both state and federal levels. Judge Williams is currently a Jefferson County District Judge and is running for re-election in November, while she balances a healthy marriage to fellow lawyer, Jason C. Williams, and keeps up with her busy 3-year-old daughter, Jacqueline.
Through her extensive involvement in the Louisville community, Judge Williams attempts to stay on top of the important issues facing the people of Kentuckiana, and has been a District Court Judge since her appointment by Governor Steven L. Beshear in 2009. I had the distinct honor of sitting down with her to discuss her life inside the courtroom, but also talking about her views on family life, parenting, and keeping her life afloat as she runs for reelection.
Thank you so much for sitting down with me today, Judge Williams. What do you like most about your role as Judge?
I like my fingerprints on the community. I like that I get to touch a life everyday, and I like the interaction with everyday people. And sometimes, it’s not at a good point in their life, and sometimes it turns out to be a better point once they’ve had interaction with me.
The other day I waved a woman’s court costs and she started crying because she was going to have to decide between paying for court and food. When you have the ability to do that, that makes you feel good. When you have the ability to tell someone that you expect more from them, and that you believe in them, when they might not have heard that before, you’re changing lives. It doesn’t happen every day. But the fact that it has happened and it will continue to happen every once in a while is what I love about my job. I can’t imagine doing anything else.
What’s been your biggest success?
Jacqueline, my daughter. Without a doubt. That’s why I’m here. I’ve been able to nurture this very wholesome, caring person. And I don’t want her to lose that.
What’s been your biggest obstacle so far?
I would think my biggest obstacle thus far would be age. I was on the bench at 32. That’s just crazy, you know? Having goals beyond my years, and not listening to that mess. I don’t let things like that define me. I set out to do something and I do it, but that’s always been something that I’ve had to deal with.
What’s some wisdom that you were given while growing up that stuck with you?
“You can do anything you want to do.”
And I believed it. I never had moments where I thought I couldn’t do whatever. I was told that I was awesome and that I could do anything I wanted to do, and I bought it hook, line, and sinker. And now we’re doing that with Jacqueline.
Why did you and your husband pick Louisville?
Well, I’m not from here. I’m a military brat. I went to Law School and met my husband at UK. He was born and raised here. He went to Yale for undergrad, went to UK for law school, but has always known he was going to come back here, because he had a good number of nieces and nephews that he wanted to be present for. So we met and he said he was going back to Louisville, and we got serious, and I found a job here. I graduated first, and got a job here, knowing he would come here, and then we stayed. Because I’m a military brat, I’m not used to being in one spot for very, very long, so it was hard for me to understand, so I gave it five years.
And then it just became our home. Jason and I are really involved in our community. Jason is a partner with Frost Brown Todd and I am on the bench – so in addition to community involvement we are both invested professionally. I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I love it, and I’m glad Jacqueline was born here.
Since you’re so proud of Jacqueline, what do you think is one piece of parenting that you think a lot of people are missing these days?
Become the person you want your child to be. One thing I had to think about, was what kind of child do I want to produce? And then I had to think about those attributes and think about where I fell short. You can talk all day long, but they watch you. And I watch her, and she imitates me even to when she talks on the phone.
Also, I’m always being mindful of my facial expressions to her. I want her to always feel as though I’m excited to see her, I want her to always see joy. She gets disciplined, but you can do that in a respectful way, and not be demeaning…. She’s very much my mini-me, so I have to always be very aware. If I act a certain way, would I be proud of my kid doing that? And if the answer is no, then I need to change my behavior.
Why do you think it’s hard being a full-time, working mom in the 21st Century?
Until you actually have [a kid], you don’t understand all that goes into it. We talk to women all the time about, “Oh, you can have it all,” and…no, you can’t! As soon as you just accept that, life will be easier for you. My husband is a fantastic father and I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t think he’d be a fantastic father, but he doesn’t have the same pressures that I do. I’m mom. I have to go to work, I have to take her to the doctor, I have to go to gymnastics practice. And I want to do all of those things. But being a working mom is like having two full-time jobs.
Some days I’m going to get a “C” as a mom, and some days I’m going to get a “C” as a judge, and I’ll have an “A” in the other categories. And it’s okay, you know? It’s really okay, and I don’t think it’s talked about enough. That is something that is a true balancing act.
I don’t think people always tell the truth. And when they don’t tell the truth, you feel like you’re failing, because the person doesn’t tell you what’s going on. It’s hard to be as attentive to my child as I want to be, and also get all my work done, and to also be a wife because that’s a whole other level! Don’t throw in community involvement, don’t throw in having friends, don’t throw in anything else because you find yourself feeling guilty all of the time. You go to the movies? You feel guilty. You stay at home with your kid because she is sick and miss work? You feel guilty. You go to work? You feel guilty for going home as soon as you do because you feel like you have more work to do… In every moment that you have free, you feel like you should be at work or home. And you all together loose yourself, and you don’t do the things you want to do. Your focus changes, but I cannot think of the last time that I just went and hung out after work. And then you throw a campaign on top of all of it…
I think if we would just tell the truth, it would help so many other people. But we have to put up this façade, and feel like we’re failing if we admit that we’re failing! It’s okay. I think that it’s important because as women, we need to stick together and be supportive and be realistic. You can succeed. I don’t mean you’re not successful in whatever defines that for you. What I mean is it’s just not a realistic expectation to have it all. You can be a CEO and you can have kids, but there’s still something missing…probably you.
Between judge, wife, and mom, it sounds like you’re quite the busy lady! How do you take care of yourself?
Umm…I really don’t know how to answer that. I think for me, my life has always been a juggling act and I’ve always had a lot of things going on at one time. That’s part of what makes me driven, and part of what makes me successful, is that I work well with a lot of things going on. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have a lot of things going on.
I think you can eliminate a lot of stress due to your perspective. I just change the way I look at things. Everything can’t be a big deal, so I take care of myself in that way. I’m really about positive, and you’re going to complain at times, but I don’t have time to be in negative settings. Always find something you’re thankful for in every situation because it could be worse.
My husband and I work out, we go to Tom Sawyer and take family walks, and do things like that. Also, putting the phone down. Which is really hard because I have an election. Something is always up, so I really can’t honor that right now, but normally I do. I’ll send emails at 2 o’clock in the morning, so I have time with Jacqueline, and as soon as she goes to bed, I’m up.
What’s it like being part of a dual-income household?
Stay in your lane. Figure out what that is, and then both of you stay in your lanes. Dual income brings up a lot of issues: who’s going to handle the finances? Who’s going to be in charge of the calendar? Jason and I are very good about our lanes and staying in them. We established that a long time ago, and we just said, these are my strengths and these are my weaknesses, and what I’m not good at he’s strong, and vice versa.
We’ve been together for 15 years. He’s my best friend, and he’ll always be my best friend. You have to treat your marriage as something you work at. You have to communicate and check-in. Jason and I always ask each other, “Is there anything you need from me that you’re not getting?” And you have to be ready for that answer.
You talk about how strong yours and Jason’s relationship has been, and how great of a husband he is. What’s one piece of marriage advice you have?
Any strong woman is going to want a strong man. You can’t lose yourself. You can’t become who you think they want. They would have found that person. We lose ourselves. I always feel like it’s very important to maintain you.
When you have that sense of self, it’s attractive, but it’s scary to some people. People always say, “Oh, you’re so lucky.” And I thought that was funny because I’m like, “I would have never been with anyone else, but someone like this. He wouldn’t have gotten past the first date.” My dad always made me believe that I deserved the best.
Also, if you don’t like X about this person now, it’s not going to change. So these are things that you’ve got to deal with. When someone tells you who they are or shows you who they are, believe them the first time they tell you.
