by Gwen Mayes
Today's Woman
Helping Someone Over the Hurdles - All you want to do is help. 
Recently, my brother was in town from St. Louis with his new fiance. He also brought along 20 extra pounds from when we last met up over Memorial Day. I’m sure he wanted me to focus on the grin that was glued to his face rather than his expanding girth, pale skin, and chubby features. But I didn’t bite. The way he looked reminded me too much of our father’s 40-year battle with diabetes and his premature death at age 65. Now my brother, at 52, had been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and seemed, by all accounts, to be simply ignoring the fact.
“Never got into the habit,” he admitted when I inquired about checking his blood sugar level on a regular basis.
“I just can’t get the weight off,” he mumbled when I asked about his diet.
“There’s no time,” he said when I inquired about exercise.
“She doesn’t like to cook,” he said about his future wife.
“I’m not sure,” he said when I asked whether things would change.
If we hadn’t been standing in a store in public, I would have slugged him. If for no other reason than because he was so disrespectfully ignoring the daily challenge and struggles that our father fought every day to make sure his weight was within a normal range. He got enough rest, didn’t pick up smoking again, and found time to exercise, even if it was simply walking at the YMCA. Wasn’t my brother around when we had to pull the car over on the Mountain Parkway so our father could drink some orange juice to prevent a blackout? Couldn’t he hear the clinking sound of the glass syringes being sterilized in boiling water before plastic ones became available?
Type 2 diabetes is a nasty disease because it mirrors so closely our lifestyles. Lack of exercise and obesity dramatically increase one’s risk of developing diabetes and a family history and age up the risk even more. It is pervasive. It runs in families. It runs wild. And with our growing rate of obesity, poor diet, and lack of exercise, it’s on the rise. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Kentucky and 20 other states have seen a 50 percent increase in the prevalence of diabetes since 1993. It remains the leading cause of blindness, kidney failure, and amputation. It is the fifth leading cause of death in Kentucky.
Sadly, many people are on the road to developing diabetes well before a diagnosis is made. Pre-diabetes is a condition where blood glucose levels aren’t high enough to be called diabetes. Diabetic specialists at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine have concluded that people, on average, begin experiencing a pre-diabetic state approximately seven years before being diagnosed. During those critical years, type 2 diabetes can be delayed and even prevented but it requires dietary changes, significant increase in exercise, and weight reduction.
As I stood looking at my brother in the store, I thought to myself, “What can I say to him that will make him take this seriously? What can I say that will make him sit up and fly right?” If recollections of our father’s struggle weren’t enough, what could I do or say? He’s not a child, nor is he my husband. He lives five hours from me and seldom calls more than once a month. What kind of support could I offer that would make a difference in how he lived his life?
But of course the answer is in the question. You can’t make anyone take these steps if he isn’t motivated to do it for his own health and well-being. All the nagging questions and post-it notes of encouragement will fall on deaf ears if the person doesn’t connect with her own sense of responsibility for her health. They have to take ownership over what can and cannot be changed about their condition.
Friends and family deserve our support and sometimes it is difficult to know how to care for, and about, someone who suffers from a chronic, life-altering condition. Be it asthma, diabetes, congestive heart failure, depression, obesity, or arthritis, circling around us are people who need a word of encouragement to face another day with a disease or condition that has started to define them.
From my own experience living with a chronic heart ailment, here’s what I’ve learned:
Meet the person where she is.Empathy is a strong motivator. When someone takes the time to express genuine concern in a warm, compassionate manner, you’re more likely to listen to what she has to say. Start by gently asking what you can do to help.
Make sure she has the facts.Even though you may immerse yourself in self-help books and Health magazine, don’t assume she does. Inquire as to whether she has the right cookbook, patient education brochure, or access to the Internet.
Suggest activities and projects that are doable.Offering to be a twosome with someone who is physically challenged can be frustrating and unpleasant if you like running marathons on your day off. But, if your fri/files/storyimages/can only walk two laps, get there earlier and walk two by yourself. Offer to bike the hills later and stick to flat territory when you’re together. If you show some interest in doing even a little bit together, it will be appreciated.
Offer to sit and listen. Good emotional and mental health is equally as important as physical stamina and a decent check-up. Maybe your fri/files/storyimages/or loved one simply needs to vent about feelings of guilt, shame or remorse for having let this condition get as bad as it has. Maybe they need a shoulder to cry on before heading to the gym.
Know that she is more than the disease.While it is appropriate to inquire about medical tests and recent exams, constantly referencing every conversation to their health condition (e.g., are you sure you can live in Dallas with asthma?) gets tiring. Pace the inquires and blunt tone. When things get serious, you’ll know.
Offer to be on emergency call. Let her know you can be counted on as an “emergency contact.” Offer to sit in the waiting room during the EKG. Take a day off from work and drive her to the specialist. Small gestures of unselfish care and support are invaluable to someone who daily lives with a chronic health condition that needs attention.
Give hugs, flowers and (sugar-free) cookies frequently.November is National Diabetes Month and odds are, someone you know is a diabetic or likely to develop the condition. Only one-third of Americans with diabetes have been actually diagnosed. For more information on pre-diabetes and diabetic management, contact the Metro Louisville Health Department at
(502) 574-6663. Here are some events related to diabetes that are happening in October. All are coordinated by the Metro Louisville Health Department.
To register, call (502) 574-6663.
October 6 –“Diet and Exercise, Preventing Complications.” Self-Management Series, 12:30–4 pm, Family Healthy Center Portland, 2215 Portland Avenue, Louisville.
October 13 –“New Trends in Diabetes Care.” Diabetes Support Group, 9:30-11 a.m., Park DuValle Community Health Center,
3015 Wilson Avenue, Louisville.
October 10, 17, and 24 and November 7 – “Weight Control Series” 6:30-8 p.m., Sun Valley Community Center,
6505 Bethany Lane, Louisville.
Gwen Mayesis a freelance health and wellness writer living in Louisville, Ky. She is finding new ways to help her brother better manage his diabetes and learning a few things about herself in the process.
She can be reached at gmayes@iamtodayswoman.com.
