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This is where Festivus comes in. The concept was birthed on a December 1997 episode of “Seinfeld,” and since, it has grown into an enticing alternative way to sp/files/storyimages/the holidays. This book is the Bible of the hypothetical holiday, and it’s full of ideas for preparation, recipes and even songs to sing at the party.
A central Festivus decoration is the aluminum pole. There are many ways to fashion your own pole, using everyday household items. You can paint a cardboard tube silver or use aluminum foil or even a heating pipe. If you want to get fancy, though, check eBay for “Lighted Festivus Pole” or amazon.com for a “Festivus Brushed Steel Pole Lamp.”
Some of the recipes look absolutely delicious, including the “Shrimp Impaled on Mini Festivus Poles” and the “Feats of Strength Fondue with Festivus Beer.” One recipe, “Ham with Junior Mint and Snapple Glaze,” pulls in a couple other items that gained notoriety on “Seinfeld” episodes.
My favorite part is the section that describes the “Airing of Grievances,” another central Festivus ritual. One caption, under a picture of a mom pointing at an upset child, reads, “Watching other people being told what disappointments they are can be fun.” And the best part: no required hugging or making up afterwards. (It’s no coincidence that “Feats of Strength” follows immediately.)
And there are many ways to air grievances. At one party detailed in book, the host put a dry erase marker on the refrigerator door for people to scribble them down, where they stayed until rubbed off. At another party, guests were asked to write their grievances on slips of paper, which were put into the Festivus pole. At the /files/storyimages/of the night, they broke it pinata style and read the grievances aloud. An example, (by Marek Fuchs, New York Times): “Motorists who leave top hats of snow on their car roofs are lazy. The entire sheet of snow can slide off, land on the person behind you or hit their windshield like an exploding mattress.”
When the Airing of Grievances ends, as Festivus tradition relates, it’s time for Feats of Strength. Under Seinfeld orthodoxy, the party isn’t over until the head of the household is pinned to the floor.
This book makes the perfect gift for “Seinfeld” nuts or anyone who, like me, is completely over the entire Christmas holiday. The best part — Festivus can be celebrated any time of the year and does not require dressy attire or a clean vocabulary.
BY CHRIS LUEKEN
leo@leoweekly.com
